My friend’s mom passed away suddenly last night. It was announced in chapel today. We had just started praying for her on Sunday, she had been diagnosed with cancer a short time ago.
This has hit me pretty hard. I have struggled with anyone losing a parent for as long as I can remember. My father has struggled with his health since before I was born. And I have always feared losing him, my mom, my sister or my brother more than any other fear that I have… This is one of the hardest things that I think anyone can go through. My parents are my foundation – aside from God – and to think of them not being there, tares me apart. I pray for my friend and his family right now.
God please touch this family, give them strength and courage to go on and not give up. Let them know that you are God, you are still there, you are still loving, you are still in control.
There is no way to know why some things happen, but knowing that God can see so much farther and deeper than we can always comforts me.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Stale Water?
I’m pretty tired tonight, but I just wanted to write some things down…
Sunday night I went with Lissa to a Campus Ministry meeting. My friend Kate was talking that night and she said quite a few things that I thought were appropriate for some things I’ve been struggling with for awhile now.
The first question that sticks out to me is “why do we choose the less than what we could have?” The context of the question is actually kind of a picture: there is nasty dirty water sitting in a cistern, that is stale and just plain gross, on the other side of the scene was a beautiful waterfall rushing from the side of the mountain, cool and refreshing.
When we chose to do the things that are like that cistern, not good for us and not even remotely beneficial, we are settling for something so much less than what God has for us.
For some, this “settling” may be a job or lifestyle, or it may be something small like, what we choose to do with our time. I can think of many different things that this could be for me. Sometimes I think that some things I choose to do is in fact settling for something so much less than what God would have me doing. Do the things I spend time on actually benefit me? Or do I just do them because it’s more comfortable for me in the short term?
Why do I settle? I think sometimes it is because I don’t think I deserve more… Or it could be that I am just lazy. Or could it be that some of the things that I settle for are the things that I really want, but aren’t actually what I should want? I must say, the more I feel like I grow in God, the more I feel like Paul… the things I should do, I don’t; the things I don’t do, I should. The things I should want, I don’t; but what I know is not good for me – I want.
Oh God, please help my desires to be better placed. Let me not want things that aren’t good for me. Let me choose your living water to drink from, and not the stale water that I usually choose!
Sunday night I went with Lissa to a Campus Ministry meeting. My friend Kate was talking that night and she said quite a few things that I thought were appropriate for some things I’ve been struggling with for awhile now.
The first question that sticks out to me is “why do we choose the less than what we could have?” The context of the question is actually kind of a picture: there is nasty dirty water sitting in a cistern, that is stale and just plain gross, on the other side of the scene was a beautiful waterfall rushing from the side of the mountain, cool and refreshing.
When we chose to do the things that are like that cistern, not good for us and not even remotely beneficial, we are settling for something so much less than what God has for us.
For some, this “settling” may be a job or lifestyle, or it may be something small like, what we choose to do with our time. I can think of many different things that this could be for me. Sometimes I think that some things I choose to do is in fact settling for something so much less than what God would have me doing. Do the things I spend time on actually benefit me? Or do I just do them because it’s more comfortable for me in the short term?
Why do I settle? I think sometimes it is because I don’t think I deserve more… Or it could be that I am just lazy. Or could it be that some of the things that I settle for are the things that I really want, but aren’t actually what I should want? I must say, the more I feel like I grow in God, the more I feel like Paul… the things I should do, I don’t; the things I don’t do, I should. The things I should want, I don’t; but what I know is not good for me – I want.
Oh God, please help my desires to be better placed. Let me not want things that aren’t good for me. Let me choose your living water to drink from, and not the stale water that I usually choose!
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Answers?
Sometimes one of the hardest things for me is to not have an answer. I just finished with my Introduction to Christian Doctrine midterm and I was thinking about the fact that I thought I did ok on it. I knew all the concepts, I knew the definitions, I knew what the correct answer was for most of the questions. (no I don’t think I got an A! I’m a Solid B student!) But I was thinking about the fact that there are so many things I don’t know the answer to. My friends, Drew and Tim, and I had a conversation yesterday about a topic that was a bit difficult for us. I don’t know the correct answer to the questions we were asking of each other, I only know how I feel and what I feel God has shown me through the Bible on it… But my knowledge seems so limited at times.
I guess that is where faith comes in. I think it may be one of the hardest things for me, to trust and have faith, believe that God knows the answers and that maybe I don’t need to know them all right now. I like to have answers – I like to help people – I like to be the one people come to… but if I don’t know the answers, if I am the one needing help, I feel very inadequate. That’s one reason why I don’t like to admit when I’m sick – or if I need help with anything, it makes me feel like I’m not good enough. Well I will have to come back to that thought later, gotta get back to work!
I guess that is where faith comes in. I think it may be one of the hardest things for me, to trust and have faith, believe that God knows the answers and that maybe I don’t need to know them all right now. I like to have answers – I like to help people – I like to be the one people come to… but if I don’t know the answers, if I am the one needing help, I feel very inadequate. That’s one reason why I don’t like to admit when I’m sick – or if I need help with anything, it makes me feel like I’m not good enough. Well I will have to come back to that thought later, gotta get back to work!
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Music
Today I am just really impressed with how much music affects my moods. I was extremely tired and just not feeling very perky until I turned on my music. My newest favorite song is called Indescribable. It came on this morning at about 8:30 - what a way to wake up, and no I was already out of bed and at work for at least 35 min. but you know what I mean...
Lyrics to Indescribable by Chris Tomlin
From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
You are amazing God
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God
You are amazing God
What a powerful thought that the God that placed the stars in the sky knows my name. It also brings a lot of things into perspective. In the grand scheme of things, how important is where you go to lunch? Is it really worth losing peace over?
Enough for now!
Lyrics to Indescribable by Chris Tomlin
From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
You are amazing God
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God
You are amazing God
What a powerful thought that the God that placed the stars in the sky knows my name. It also brings a lot of things into perspective. In the grand scheme of things, how important is where you go to lunch? Is it really worth losing peace over?
Enough for now!
Monday, September 26, 2005
Welcome
It is a scary and yet exciting thing to start a new blog... Scary in that the words you say here cannot be taken back, and exciting because you can write anything!
Working with computers all day is what I do, and yet I rarely write anything except directions for people to follow. Writing just to talk isn't something I ever do, I don't even write emails just to talk, there is always a reason, a purpose, some need that will be fulfilled with the dictation.
Today, I am just going to talk about random things that probably arn't very important to anyone except me. The first thought is my constant struggle with weight. For some reason, some people are more apt to struggle with this issue than others. I have friends that can eat whatever they want and never have an issue with it. But it doesn't matter if I eat extreemly healthy food and work out all the time, it is still a struggle. I have tried to give it to God, to just say, alright I've done what I can - please take it from here. But it still hangs on... constantly in the back of my mind, almost making me feel like a failure all the time. Maybe if I worked harder, got up earlier, eat less... maybe then I wouldn't stuggle so much, maybe then I would meet someone that would love me and want me. Ah... thats for another day!
Thats all for now. and, no - I can't believe I said all this...
Working with computers all day is what I do, and yet I rarely write anything except directions for people to follow. Writing just to talk isn't something I ever do, I don't even write emails just to talk, there is always a reason, a purpose, some need that will be fulfilled with the dictation.
Today, I am just going to talk about random things that probably arn't very important to anyone except me. The first thought is my constant struggle with weight. For some reason, some people are more apt to struggle with this issue than others. I have friends that can eat whatever they want and never have an issue with it. But it doesn't matter if I eat extreemly healthy food and work out all the time, it is still a struggle. I have tried to give it to God, to just say, alright I've done what I can - please take it from here. But it still hangs on... constantly in the back of my mind, almost making me feel like a failure all the time. Maybe if I worked harder, got up earlier, eat less... maybe then I wouldn't stuggle so much, maybe then I would meet someone that would love me and want me. Ah... thats for another day!
Thats all for now. and, no - I can't believe I said all this...
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